If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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