you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
