Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
