no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
