kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize