kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize