he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am naked and annoyed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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