I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
