You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
