I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
