so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
