I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
