she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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