Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
