I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
