i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
