Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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