He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
