i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
