OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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