i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
