I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
