I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
