he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
