I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
