Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
