Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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