Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
