I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
