Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
