Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
