Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
