So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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