PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
