i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
