thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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