im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
