We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
