oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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