WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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