All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
