I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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