you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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