i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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