I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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