I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
