I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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