i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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