I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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