She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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