As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
