My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
