Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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