If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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