Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
