Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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