I hate all girls vehemently.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
