so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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