Can i not drive my cunt home
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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