dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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