just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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