yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
