I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
