If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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