he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
