3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why didn't you poke me back
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
