Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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