Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
