ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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