Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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