I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
