I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
