WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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