An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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