Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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