nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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