life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
