Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
