I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
worst night to have a conscience
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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